[ .angelique. ]

[ Public Service Announcement. ]

Wed, 19 Jan 2005 15:34:38 GMT

For the sake of my sanity I will no longer be using this livejournal. Thanks everyone for your love and support. Talk to you elsewhere.

[ Rambling. ]

Wed, 19 Jan 2005 02:22:54 GMT

When you attend the funeral of someone younger than you - even if only by 5 months - the lig..

So I went to B..

Meh. I remember Ben and Matt and I went camping one weekend. We went to Lake StClair for Waterfest and had loads of cheap box wine and forgot the blankets so slept in Matts car instead of the tent. at like 2am I had to pee and people were still partying but Matt was asleep so Ben took me for a 30 minute walk so we could try find a toilet and when we finally DID, he stood guard for me. Drunk people make me nervous.

the next morning Matt was way hungover, and Ben was snoring so I sat on the shore for hours just watching until the snoring stopped and Ben sat with me until Matt was fit to drive again. He took us up into Mt Royal and let ben drive around on the mudd tracks even though he didnt have his license yet, and offered me the same but I was scared shitless of crashing his car.

We had breakfast/lunch at a barbecue site and it was partially raw, but it was good. then we drove home and washed matts car before his dad got home and spent the afternoon in the pool.

The next weekend I was on MSN and ben popped on and said there was a party at matts house and i should come. i asked who was there and he rattled off loads of names so i got ready and they sent adam to pick me up. i got there and it was me, adam, matt, ben, joe and pinchy. that was it. heh. so we spent the night drinking rum and we had a shot race where i beat all the boys except joe. adam spent the rest of the night puking in the backyard while we all sat in matts living room and watched porn on his laptop and i got massages. yay.

he has a pink cushion on his bed that i never let him forget. and even with the amount i picked at him, he never moved it. i never figured out why, but i'm glad he didnt.

we used to drive around for hours listening to techno. they'd pick me up from school at lunch and i'd always say "i gotta be back in an hour" and six hours later they'd drop me home for dinner. i hated techno so much but with the windows wound down, and it pumping, and cuddling up to someone .. i hardly noticed and it'd be midnight and i'd be getting dropped off and it'd seem like we'd only just left.

[ Give me a fucking break. ]

Tue, 18 Jan 2005 13:53:18 GMT

Popular Singleton teenager, Ben 'Tubsy' Ray, died on Monday night while driving home alone to have dinner with his mother.

Ben had been driving south on the gravel section of Wattle Ponds Road at about 7.15pm when the vehicle lost traction with the loose gravel on the road surface.

The vehicle slid along the roadway for some distance before sliding sideways onto a tree on the western alihnment.

A vehicle travelling northing along the road saw a cloud of dust on the road ahead and on realising what had happened called 000.

Singleton Ambulance Rescue arrived at the scene shortly after but were unable to revive the 18 year old who died at the scene.

Police are now preparing a report for the Coronor and crash investigators are continuing their inquiries to determine the cause of the crash.

Ben's parents, Rober.. dmksada.

[ Over the river and through the woods.. ]

Tue, 18 Jan 2005 01:58:32 GMT

I'm off to have some Xrays today. Then I'm gonna hang with Noni for a bit, maybe have dinner at her place. :) Nonis family are like my home away from home. I lived there for a few months when my mum kicked me out last time. I heart them very much.

I'm taking my camera, so maybe expect photos. Hopefully I'm not too exhausted after the xrays and don't have to come home straight away. That's what happened with the Drs yesterday.

Anyway.. they'll be here soon. love!

[ Off the chest. ]

Mon, 17 Jan 2005 11:59:22 GMT

I feel loads better. I spoke to my Uncle fraggle_x today, and he said if worst comes to worst and I don't have anywhere to go, I can stay with him and underdark_drow. It's weird, you know. I met him probably about a month before I met my dad, but we're so much closer and he's so much easier for me to talk to.

Anyway. He has DSL [being teh intarweb n3rd and all] so I should be able to continue DJing and talking to you all and whatever else! And, if I -do- move in with him, Centrelink will HAVE to pay me because I wont be living with my parents anymore. AHAHAH. Suck to be YOU, Government!!

So.. after 48 hours of thorough suckage, thinks are looking slightly up. Also, I spent the better part of today at the Doctors [got medicine!] and traipsing around town in the rain [yep, that'll get me better soon!] handing in CV's to random places. Coxes bakery were like, "Oh my god you must be psychic!", cause they are putting an advertisement in tomorrows paper advertising a position.. and a couple of other places seemed pretty interested. So.. neh. We'll see.

Finally, I saw theawfulones working while I was in at Big W grabbing some groceries for dinner. Despite the fact that I fear for my life from her mighty scary girlfriend everytime I see her, I always have to smile and enjoy my time with her. She really is lovely and always has some interesting story to tell me and a huge hug whether I want it or not.

In conclusion, despite the fact that 24 hours ago I was very tempted by the razor on the windowsill in the shower, life isn't too bad. I mean, sure, there's a whole bunch of fucked up shit going on right now.. but family, and friends, are there for me. So I'll be okay. :)

[ What would my life be? ]

Sun, 16 Jan 2005 22:58:03 GMT

If not drama filled? heh.

So yesterday was spent crying, sobbing, angsting and god knows what else. My mother realised that - since I wasn't working [being sick] - I wouldn't be getting paid. And announced to me that if I didn't pay her her rent, I could forget about living here. Golly-gee-thanks mum! It's great to know that in times of trouble I can rely on my mum, of all people, to back me up when I need it! Thanks!

As you might imagine I spent the day summing up my options. I called in a few favors from friends and ended up rounding up a place to stay [with a friend of a friend] for free if I needed to, and also finding out that I -MIGHT- be able to qualify for government help if I could prove that it was unreasonable for me to live with my parents.

So by this point things are starting to look up. It looks like I might be able to go to school, be paid to go to school, and live with friends. But I'd still be uprooting myself and stepping into the world with no money and completely unprepared for ANYTHING. I wasn't entirely comfortable with the situation, so I kept looking for answers/details.

It turns out I -can't- get the government thing, but Nathan reminds me that a friend had offered for me to do Housekeeping at the other hotel in town [not the one mum manages], if I ever got desperate. So there's a job I can do while being sick.. it's just a case of me swallowing my pride and calling them. Before I do that, though, I'm going to do one last desperate jobsearch in town and try and dig up something, anything. =\ I really don't wanna clean up after other people for a living, you know?

In any case, whatever happens, as it seems to change from moment to moment. I plan on getting outta here. Yesterday proved to me that I cannot trust my mother to be stable OR reliable. I refuse to be as upset as I was when she told me yesterday, again. I refuse to be a victim to her will, and I refuse to have my life on shakey grounds because she is a selfish bitch.

This housekeeping bit.. well.. the job in itself sucks, but I'd be happy enough doing it if it was getting me somewhere. If I was saving to move, or paying to put myself through school with it. And it's not like I wont be able to look for other stuff at the same time, either. I just.. need.. something. I can't not work. I can't move out and have no clue where I'm going or what I'm doing and no money to back any of it up.

Structure. That's what I need.

[ With great power comes great responsibility. . ]

Fri, 14 Jan 2005 18:23:31 GMT

I've tried not to here, you know. I've tried to keep this as angst free as possible for the new year but fuck it. If I'm upset - if I'm crying, I'm not going to pretend everything is okay because it's NOT.

It really, really isn't. I just almost burst into tears because I thought my headphones were broken. What the hell? I like music, but jeez.

1. My dad hasn't called me. Faye hasn't called me. No-one is letting me know what's happening. When someone goes in for an operation as huge as that it's VERY IMPORTANT that you let the daughter know if he comes out okay. I've left voicemails, people! Please please call me back.

2. Still sick. Feel like shit. Sickness is magnifying every single problem I have by like 800-fold. 8000-fold.

3. My job.. blah. My job relies on me being well and being able to GO to work. I am not well. I am not being paid - which leads to my next issue -

4. Money. I don't have it. The world revolves around it. I have applied for every single fucking job this godforsaken town has to offer and nothing. NOTHING. So I decide to look into government help. I have a few friends being paid by Centrelink to attend TAFE/Uni, etc. I figure - hey - I've been working and living away from home since I was 16 basically. Surely my taxes have been for a reason! .. no. Sorry Aimee, no. You can't get money from us because you are 19 years old and you aren't legally out of your parents custody until you are 25. What the fuck? ! So my parents should pay my way until I turn 25?! I'm not expecting a free-ride. I'd be happy to do the work-for-the-dole thing. It'd only be temporary while I was looking for a job / TAFE-ing. But WHAT THE FUCK AM I PAYING TAXES FOR IF THINGS LIKE THIS AREN'T AVAILABLE TO ME WHEN I NEED THEM?!

I don't even want ALOT of money. For the last god-knows-how-long I've been living on less than $100 a week [paying board, internet, phone, etc out of THAT].. I'm quite capable of minimising. But I just want SOMETHING, you know?! GAH.

I feel so backed into a corner with this. There's nothing I can do because I don't have qualifications - I can't get qualifications because I can't afford it. Catch 22. I just.. blahhh.

5. I'm lonely. I'll admit it. I'm lonely. I hated having James in my personal space but atleast he was SOMEONE. All I am to my family is someone who can barely afford to pay her way and who will hopefully be gone before long. And gah.. my best friends are becoming interested in one another and having less time for me. I know that's selfish, but I have NOT BEEN OKAY FOR DAYS and neither of them have said a word and I just.. feel .. like I was a step to the other one, you know? I know it's not true. I just feel like now that they have one another they don't need / want me anymore. And this isn't a cry for them to break up - god knows I'm happy they're together. I just miss them so much and I feel slightly neglected.

I miss most of my friends, actually. Everyone is so busy with something or someone else. It's like they were happy with me until two weeks ago and now nobody has the time of day to acknowledge I exist. I know I'm whining.

I'm locking myself away so much with being sick. I can't go out and socialize because I feel shitty/will give people the flu. The only people I've made social contact with in the last two weeks have been family and that's only been so they could ask me for stuff/ tell me to do something.

And gah.. love. Everyone is in love. Everyone is married, engaged, dating, in-crush, 'together', 'seeing one another', fucking. I want everyone to stop being so involved in their significant other for one day and realise the rest of the world still exists. Do I sound like a bitter single person yet? I am one.

6. I feel so overwhelmed by everything. Everything.

So. To answer your question. No, Jake, no I am not okay. But thankyou for asking.

[ I love these things. . ]

Thu, 13 Jan 2005 06:10:35 GMT

FIRSTS
1.First Best Friend: Slade.
2.First car: White.. thing.
3.First real kiss: Glynn.
4.First break-up: Glynn.
5.First screen name: Angel_F -- lmfao.
6.First self purchased album: Matchbox 20.. something.
7.First funeral: My grandmothers.
8.First piercing/tattoo: My ears at like.. six.
9.First credit card: Virgin.
10.First true love: True love? I don't know about that. Love? Ross.
First enemy: Slade.
11.First big trip: Canberra in year six.
12.First music you remember: Madonna - the prayer.

LASTS
13.Last cigarette: Never.
14.Last car ride: Yesterday, driving home from the store.
15.Last kiss: Nathan.
16.Last good cry: Yesterday.
17.Last library book: The Anne Rice vampire novels.
18.Last movie seen: Life; or something like it.
19.Last beverage drank: Water.
20.Last food consumed: Can't remember.
21.Last phone call: Bec.
22.Last time showered: This afternoon.
23.Last shoes worn: Runners.
24.Last item bought: Sprite from the service station.
25.Last annoyance: My little brother whining at me. lol Turdo.
26.Last time wanting to die: I don't want to die.
27.Last time scolded: Earlier today.

c u r r e n t
28.clothes: Blue pyjama pants, green pyjama top. Ah, the perks of being sick.
29.smell: um.. it smells like summer.
30.favorite artist: Evanescence.
31.desktop picture: Black.
32.cd in player: Hillary Duff - Metamorphosis.

l a s t | p e r s o n
33.you touched: Nathan. Or my dog if that counts?
34.hugged: Nathan.
35.you imed: Jake.
36.you kissed: Nathan.

a r e | y o u
37.understanding: I try to be.
38.open-minded: Try to be.
39.arrogant: Yes.
40.interesting: Sometimes.
41.hungry: Right now? Yes.
42.smart: No.
43.moody: Yes.
44.hard working: Depends on the task.
45.organized: No.
46.healthy: Not right now.
47.shy: No.
48.attractive: To some people.
49.bored easily: Not really.
50.responsible: Depends on my mood.
51.obsessed: No.
52.angry: Not right now.
53.sad: No.
54.disspointed: No.
55.happy: Relatively.
56.hyper: Not right now.
57.trusting: Yes.
58.talkative: Yes.
59.legal: Yes.

w h o | d o | y o u | w a n n a
60.slap: Nathan.
61.get high with: Nobody.
62.look like: Kirstin Dunst.
63.talk to offline: Bec.
64.talk to online: Howie. =\

r a n d o m
65.in the morning i am: grumpy.
66.all i need is: hugs and sprite.
67.i dream about: vampires and werewolves.

w h i c h | i s | b e t t e r
68.coke or pepsi: coke.
69.flowers or candy: candy.
70.tall or short: taller-than-me guys.

r a n d o m
71.what do you notice first: Eyes, smile.
72.last person you slow danced with: Nathan.
73.who makes you laugh the most: James.
74.who makes you smile: Sam.
75.who gives you a funny feeling when you see them: depends on what 'funny'.

d o | y o u | e v e r
76.sit on the internet all night waiting for that someone to IM you: no.
77.save conversations: if they're important.
78.wish you were a member of the opposite sex: sometimes! but then I remember.
79.wish you were younger: yes.
80.cry because someone said something to you: I -have-.

n u m b e r
81.of times i have had my heart broken: once.
82.of hearts i have broken: none intentionally.
83.of guys i've kissed: 7.
84.of continents i have lived in: Just the one.
85.of cds i own: probably about five.
86.of scars on my body: Lots.

f i n a l | q u e s t i o n s
87. gold or silver: silver.
88. what was the last film you saw at the movies: Long time ago, cannot remmeber. Am going to see Spoungebob with Will tomorrow though!
89. favorite cartoon/anime: Simspons.
90. what did you have for breakfast this morning: Corn flakes.
91. who would you love being locked in a room with: I'd get sick of anyone if I was TRAPPED with them.
92. could you live without your computer: Of course I could. Would I want to? No.
94. would you color your hair: I'm naturally brunette. Did you know that?
95. could you ever get off the computer: Yes.
96. habla espanol: No. :(
97. how many people are on your buddy list: Too many.
98. drink alcohol: Yes.
99. like watching sunrises or sunsets: Both please.
100. what hurts the most? My throat. :( And not knowing.

[ KoL? My butt!]

Wed, 12 Jan 2005 23:30:41 GMT

Yup, it's true. KoL Hindsight is officially up and open for business. There are no bum-pictures online yet, because it'd be easy for them to be guessed with the small amount we have so far - but in time, my loves.. in time.

It's actually quite exciting. Myself and anonymous-backer have been working on this project for a few weeks now [minus the last week or so of me being sick].. and there has been a HUGE amount of interest in the project.. even when the website -wasnt- available yet.

On other KoL fronts, drama ensues. The radio has once more exploded - admin giving up left and right, DJ's quitting on the spot, god only knows what else. And yet.. it doesn't bother me a whole lot. I tried helping out yesterday, but my attempts seemed to have been ignored so I'm content to simply take the backseat on this. I know I'll be a DJ for as long as I like, everyone has made that clear. So I'm just gonna do my shows and not be bothered with the politics of it all. Who needs that, anyway?

And on the 'life' front.. well.. I had a breakdown yesterday. I don't want to talk about it, but I am feeling a little better today. So that's good, atleast.

You Are 17 Years Old

17 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

What Age Do You Act?

</center>

[ Built in top coat. . ]

Wed, 12 Jan 2005 12:14:57 GMT

To think the highest brow
Which I must say is he
Should pick the lowest brow
Which there's no doubt is me

[ Late notice. ]

Tue, 11 Jan 2005 09:41:33 GMT

I'll be doing a radio show from 10PM-12AM my time today. I cannot be bothered changing that to any other timezone, so look it up. I'm Australian Eastern Standard.

Also, Amplitude and I will be doing Trainwreck. :) 2AM-5AM tomorrow. Be there.

[ Love before gold. ]

Tue, 11 Jan 2005 04:37:35 GMT

I am trying to be civil about this. I really am. But you know what? No. I'm done with it. I refuse to be made out to be the bad guy here. I refuse to take statements like, "I've never been so disappointed in you as right now". Sorry, I just.. wont.

Background:
Betrayer: Are you saying you are an attention whore or a social climber? Because that's what I think is a problem right now.
-
Betrayer: Skullhead is letting in people just because they suck his e-penis all the time, not because they are good people or funny -hic-
-
Xenophobe: No, I just don't feel I'm well-qualified to make judgement. That's all.
opai: Thanks Betrayer.
Trog Dor: wait, did you just say that, Betrayer?
-
Betrayer: No, trog, I just typed it.
Bashy: LOLOLOLOL
Meggery reserves comment
Xenophobe: Not to mention that I couldn't give two tugs of a dead dog's cock whom is invited into the lounge. It's not really my place to say anything.
TheBub: Skully just wants more pretty girls to paddle, but tries to hide it by letting a few guys in to balance it
Xenophobe: If Skullhead wants a certain type of people in the lounge, it's his perogative, and I don't feel I have any room to tell him diff'ernt.
Dazz: I still have no idea who/why i was invited to the lounge
-
turdopotomus: well i don't know why i was invited, too young to paddle
Fusilliban: I find this all amusing - Skully invited me into lounge because thought I was lucid. Ha ha, stupid fucker...
TheBub: you go Bobby Brownphobe
opai: Meh, either way i agree with Xeno on this. Who are we to judge?
-
Xenophobe: I don't feel as if this room has any sort of standard of decency
Betrayer: I don't think there are a ton of people, and I know he is letting in other people as well, I am just saying there are some people who I wouldn't let in.
Trog Dor: who's in here now that's got y'all riled up?
Elektra: Who, Betrayer, do you think were let in simply for the pretty paddling factor?
-
c00c00c00: That would be naming names, Elektra. :)
-
Xenophobe: (And I pull the maturity bit pretty much everywhere I go. Trying to enforce it in /normal is especially fun.)
-
Betrayer: Opai, I am myself. If I didn't judge people, I wouldn't be me.
-?
Elektra: Exactly, c00. If you're going to be bandmouthing people, I think you should have the balls to say their name. That's all.
-
Betrayer: I have no power to enforce my views, but I'll still state them.
Forsythe: What I find amusing is, I know some people who object to others being in lounge... but who were in lounge long before the objector. -hic-
c00c00c00: Fine then. :) I think Meggery is a whore.
c00c00c00: Done.

So basically, one of my friends is hanging me for that statement. She's given naked pictures to FOUR DJ's that I know of. She has a whole album of suggestive pictures - aside from the naked ones. SHE IS A WHORE. SHE IS A FUCKING WHORE. SHE'S. A. WHORE. And if she's not comfortable with that, then perhaps she should think twice about publishing an album of pictures of herself naked -- or atleast who she makes them available to. None of the people I heard about it from were hesitant to tell me at all, so aside from the ONE person who's gone all noble on me, none of them respect her and I don't see that she's getting any positive attention from it at all.

Don't lecture me on my behavior. Don't tell me I'm being childish. I'm sorry if I see that as slutty but I DO, and I refuse to just let that be. Of course I'm not gonna randomly point it out - there was a context and that was it, I would never just *coughslutcough* at her, although she -is- one. Elektra pointed out that I was being spineless, so I continued with my point.

If you cannot -handle- that. If that disgusts you. If that disappoints you.. then don't bother talking to me. Don't. I don't have time for people who judge ME, when she's doing what she's doing and THAT'S PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE?

No. :)

[ Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock.. ]

Mon, 10 Jan 2005 05:41:46 GMT

This is me in rambling mode. It doesn't happen often these days, so beware.

</center>

I look like I'm going to scold a small child there, but much older. :) So heh! A twelve year old is not me. Excellent. Must remember to hand in resume at the BC tomorrow. Applications are due in by the 14th.. so I still have a few days, but better to be safe than sorry.

Spent the day spring cleaning.. Summer cleaning. I don't know, cleaning. I've moved my desk from one side of the room to the other and, while it's better just in general.. as far as accessability, and space-in-my-room.. it does leave a massive chunk of nothingness on one side where James and my desks both used to be.. once it's all clean I think I'll get another bookshelf. I'm running out of space for my writing, etc.

Looks carry a person a long way in this world, I think. It makes me worry, but as long as I have accessories and shoes and bags and glasses, I guess it doesn't really matter. The end.

..Life is short - you're capable..

Edit: Quote of the day, taken from the Channel that doesn't exist.
Moth: It's like they say, you build a fence, do they call you bashy the fence builder? No. You dam a river, do they call you bashy the dammer? No. You fuck a fish ONCE...

[ I cut my hair. ]

Sun, 09 Jan 2005 20:48:31 GMT

Everytime I cut bangs, I forget that my fringe has a really bad kink on one side, so it wont sit straight... but I guess it kinda gives me personality? lol. I dunno.

Whatcha' think? :D

I look loads younger.. but I'm not wearing any makeup, so that might be why. .. neehhhhh. =\

[ Perceptions. ]

Sun, 09 Jan 2005 19:28:15 GMT

You use words like toothpaste, as though they value nothing more than two fifty a tube.

- - It seems that I have done more damage in my absence than anyone could possibly think.

Have you ever seen such a beautiful night?
I could almost kiss the stars for shining so bright
Then I see you smile and I go - oh, oh oh
I would never want to miss this
Cause in my heart, I know what this is

Hey now - hey now
This is what dreams are made of
Hey now - hey now
This is what dreams are made of
I've got somewhere I belong
I've got somebody to love
This is what dreams are made of

Have you ever wondered what life is about
You could search the world and never figure it out
You don't have the sail the ocean, no, no no
Happiness is no mystery it's
Here and now - it's you and me, yeah

Hey now - hey now
This is what dreams are made of
Hey now - hey now
This is what dreams are made of
I've got somewhere I belong
I've got somebody to love
This is what dreams are made of

Open your eyes
[this is what dreams are made of]
Shout to the skies
[this is what dreams are made of]

Then I see you smile and I go, oh, oh oh
Yesterday my life was duller
Now everything's technocolour

Hey now - hey now
This is what dreams are made of
Hey now - hey now
This is what dreams are made of
I've got somewhere I belong
I've got somebody to love

This is what dreams, dreams
This is what dreams are made of

In other news, I am in such a great mood. I'm getting my hair cut in about three hours, my room is slowly becoming presentable, the flu is easing off [slowly] so I can breathe now[!!] and I'm about to go have breakfast. :) yay.

[ Tell me how we're gonna be together always. ]

Sat, 08 Jan 2005 10:18:55 GMT

Well! James is actually taking the rest of his stuff today. :o It's weird, cause while I -did- know he was leaving, I didn't actually think it'd happen for a while [since he kept coming back and staying here, etc]. . so yeah. He took the rest of his clothes, etc, today.. I think all that's left here is his bedstuff, computer and random books and whatnot.. which could be taken in one trip.

Get out, leave right now!
It's the end of you and me
It's too late, and I can't wait
For you to be gone..!

... Just kidding Dania! ^_^ Take all the time you want. <3 I will miss you. I will -not- miss the gay anime posters, though. Mwahahhaa!

Anyway! I made a layout for x_xtina today. Isn't it pretty? The picture is copyright of dier_cire but it was one he'd given me permission to use on a domain layout, so I don't suppose he'd mind too much on this.

In comemoration of James moving out, we just did a Tribal dance around my teddy again.

:)

[ Breathe in, breathe out. ]

Sat, 08 Jan 2005 01:27:19 GMT

I threw you into this.
Shell shocked and without confidence.
I throw my world on pages, at your feet.
And now I lay waiting, anxious and fraught in worry.
You told me that you'd like what I wrote.
But now I am unsure as my secrets shatter themselves before your eyes
and whisper in your ears.
Will you become more than I can erase?
It seems that you have turned these walls I have built into water.
And I stand naked as these frontiers lap your toes.
Now I wonder,
What have I done?

[ I'm so moving on! ]

Fri, 07 Jan 2005 21:45:32 GMT

Since you've been gone
I can breathe for the first time
I'm so moving on!

Well! The flu appears to be clearing up. All it took was three days of sleep [minus the twelve hours I was awake, collectively], a bucketload of cough syrup, about 200 flu tablets and probably a whole rainforests worth of tissues. Yay!

Thanks to you
Now I get
What I want
Since you've been gone

So, that aside. KoL HindSight is coming along nicely. I've done a few different layouts for it over the last couple of days, but obviously they haven't been -wonderful-.. sickness does that to my creativity. I did, however, work out how to use the photoalbum and am in the process of uploading it to digital-seraph to make sure it works properly. My partner in crime appeared to be very pleased with me so far, so exxxcellent.

Actually, this is great fun. To begin with I thought it was going to be terribly secretive.. one of those things that was totally under wraps and not involved at all. But people -know- it's me [dunno how.. lol], even if they don't know who else it is.. so hehe. I can be more public about advertising and whatnot.

Work.. hm. Well, I've spent the last three days not going, because of being sick. So thankyou somuch@James for going in for me. You're a darling and I love you. <3 But blah! It's making me remember how much I'm dreading going back when I'm well again. lol. Inspiration to get a new job? I think so, yes. James gave me an advertisement thing from the local RSL, they're looking for a receptionist and all they want is 'minimum computer skills and a bright and bubbly personality'! That's me in a nutshell. ;) Well, kinda. So.. fingers crossed. I'm gonna send in an application and hope they hire me.

I found out I was invited to join a new clan, too, about 20 hours after I joined The Rye. lol. So now I'm in The Loading Dock. It's a little less friendly, but I think once I get to know people that'll go away.. at the moment I'm kinda intimidated by the amount of Power Players that're considering me their equal.. especially since Warehouse 23 is so closely affilliated with us, you know? It's weird.

Anyway, I'm gonna go take some more flu stuff cause the headache is returning. lol. My best defense has been to keep myself so drugged up that the symptoms stop coming back, but today I've been leaving it as long as possible, cause sooner or later I'm going to stop needing them. Fingers crossed!

<3 to everyone.

[ Stolen from Princesscurly. . ]

Fri, 07 Jan 2005 00:50:37 GMT

1.) Copy this list into your LJ.
2.) Bold what is true.
3.) Leave plain what is false.
4.) Add something at the end.

001. I miss somebody right now.
002. I watch more tv than I used to.
003. I love olives.
004. I love sleeping.
005. I own a home.
006. I wear glasses or contact lenses.
007. I love to play video games.
008. I've done something illegal.
009. I've watched porn movies. Tee-hee.
010. I have been in a threesome.
011. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
012. I like my handwriting.
013. I have acne-free skin.
014. I like and respect Al Sharpton.
015. I curse frequently.
016. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
017. I have a hobby.
018. I've been to another country.
019. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
020. I'm really, really smart.
021. I've never broken anyone else's bones.
022. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.
023. I love rain. - most of the time
024. I'm paranoid at times.
025. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
026. I need money right now.
027. I love sushi.
028. I talk really, really fast sometimes.
029. I have fresh breath in the morning.
030. I have semi-long hair.
031. I have lost money in Las Vegas.
032. I have at least one brother and/or sister.
033. I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
034. I shave my legs.
035. I have a twin.
036. I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
037. I like the way that I look.
038. I have lied to a good friend in the past 6 months.
039. I know how to do cornrows.
040. I am usually pessimistic.
041. I have mood swings.
042. I think prostitution should be legalized.
043. I think Britney Spears is pretty.
044. I have cheated on a significant other.
045. I have a hidden talent.
046. I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
047. I've been sexually intimate with fewer than ten people.
048. I am currently single.
049. I have kissed someone of the same sex.
050. I enjoy talking on the phone.
051. I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
052. I love to shop. For books or presents. Oh yeah, and clothes.
053. I would rather shop than eat.
054. I would classify myself as ghetto.
055. I'm bourgeoisie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders.
056. I'm obsessed with my LJ
057. I don't hate anyone.
058. I'm a pretty good dancer.
059. I don't think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington.
060. I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
061. I have a cell phone.
062. I watch MTV on a daily basis.
063. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
064. I have never been in a real relationship before.
065. I've rejected someone before.
066. I currently have a crush on someone.
067. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
068. I want to have children in the future.
069. I have changed a diaper before.
070. I've had the cops called on me before. (and thank you to whoever called them on me that night)
071. I bite my nails.
072. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club.
073. I'm not allergic to anything deadly.
074. I have a lot to learn.
075. I have dated someone at least 10 years older or younger.
076. I plan on seeing Ice Cube's newest "Friday" movie.
077. I am very shy around the opposite sex.
078. I'm online 24/7, even as an away message.
079. I have at least 5 away messages saved.
080. I have been rejected by someone.
081. I have made a move on a friend's significant other in the past.
082. I own the "SOUTH PARK" movie.
083. I have avoided work to play on LJ.
084. When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbor or chum.
085. I enjoy country music.
086. I love my best friends.
087. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
088. I watch soap operas whenever I can.
089. I'm obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist.
090. I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
091. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
092. I know all the words to Slick Rick's "Children's Story".
093. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy. And give people free candy!
094. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it. zomg!!!!
095. I have dated a close friend's ex.
096. I'm happy as of this moment.
097. I have gone scuba diving.
098. I've had a crush on somebody I have never met.
099. I've kissed someone I knew I shouldn't.
100. I play a musical instrument.
101. I strongly dislike math.
102. I'm procrastinating on something right now.
103. I own and use a library card.
104. I fall in "lust" more than in "love."
105. Cheese enchiladas rock my socks.
106. I think The Lord of the Rings is one of the greatest things ever.
107. I'm obsessed with the tv show "The O.C."
108. I am resentful that I have to grow up.
109. I am an entirely different person around different people.
110. I think the world would be a better place if people just smiled more often. Myself included.
111. I think Ramen is one of the best foods in the whole world.
112. I am suffering of a broken heart.
113. I am a nerd.
114. No matter where I am or who I'm with, I always seem to be lonely.
115. I am left handed and proud of it.
116. I try not to change who I am for someone.
117. My heart resides below my feet.
118. I have had sex with someone I was not in a relationship with.
119. I enjoy smoothies.
120. I have had major surgery.
121. I have adopted a pet from the SPCA.
122. I am listening to Radiohead right now.
123. Some people call me by a nickname.
124. I once stole a music stand.
125. I like FUCKING LOVE pumpkin pie.
126. I love NASCAR!
127. I own over 200 CDs.
128. I work 7 days a week.
129. I have mono.
130. I don't have the ability to make decisions without changing my mind.
131. People tell me I have a horrible sense of humor.
132. I'm still in my PJs.
133. I'm looking for love in all the wrong places.
134. I have a tendency to fall for the wrong guys, or have them fall for me, so I can't help but reciprocate.
135. I'll try anything three times.
136. I've done drugs other than alcohol or cigarettes.
137. I'm having trouble sleeping.
138. I am a cuddler.
139. I like John Waters films.
140. I have made a pornographic videotape.
141. Sloth is my favorite deadly sin.
142. One of my boobs is bigger than the other though not noticed by others.
143. I know all the words to the "Firefly" theme song.
144. I am abnormally obsessed with all things Buffy/Angel.
145. I love comfort food.
146. I'm a right-winged conservative Christian, and proud of it.
147. I'm Catholic.
148. I can walk a mile without feeling like I'm going to die over.
149. I am a college student.
150. I like to cook. [which isn't to say that I can do it WELL].
151. I hate vacuuming with a passion.
152. I'm addicted to photography and picture frames.
153. I have performed in the Rocky Horror Picture show.
154. I generally get along with my parents.
155. I like Shakespeare.
156. I like to sing.
157. I'll take the Pepsi Challenge any day, and STILL pick Coke!
158. I have things that I want to say to people, but I won't/can't because I don't want to hurt/be hurt by them.
159. I'm not "mainstream" when it comes to religion.
160. I've counted down the days until the summer.
161. I've fulfilled someone's dare at a party or gathering.
162. I challenge people to duels, and when I do, I mean it.
163. I was pigeon-toed at one point in my life.
164. I love Digimon and wear goggles to school.
165. I have been to an anime convention.
166. I constantly have my head in the clouds daydreaming.
167. I am addicted to roleplaying.
168. I was in labor for 30 hours with no pain medication.
169. I own more than three items of vinyl clothing.
170. I read hardcore Christian Bible Tracts because I think they're funny.
171. I hate to drive.
172. I'm unemployed but [not unemployed, but this part applies:]would rather sit on my butt and play video games than look for a job.
173. I come from a southern, highly religious family and have chosen to keep a major part of my life secret from my family for now.
174. I have a serious taste for older men.
175. I had a happy childhood.
176. I have an unhealthy obsession with certain child actors.
177. I am an only child.
178. I have more than five different lotions on my desk right now.
179. I have a more active online social life than IRL.
180. Sometimes, I actually like my job.
181. I love animals, and have had at least one pet.
182. I love writing letters.
183. I haven't had sex with a lot of people, but I've had a really wide range of sexual experiences with those few.
184. I don't bleed, I percolate.
185. I sleep the entire day but am awake all night long.
186. My two children were born in the same month.
187. I like the taste of blood.
188. I do not know how to swim.
189. I know how to shoot a gun!
190. I am currently pregnant with my first baby!
191. I flew to another state when I was underage without asking/telling my parents.
192. I've experienced natural childbirth.
193. I am a HUGE "Sex and the City" fan.
194. I am currently experiencing physical pain Damn you flu!
195. I've lost time at work this week because my car was encased in an ice flow.
196. I'm looking for a new job that I actually like.
197. I am OCD about at least one thing.
198. I have a child named after a fictional or mythological character.
199. I have made something homeade for someone else :)
200. I am obsessed with the colour purple.

[ Entry. ]

Thu, 06 Jan 2005 13:30:43 GMT

I'm still sick, but I slept from like.. 9pm-6am last night, then from like 4pm-12am.. didn't end up going to work because I felt like crap. I'm just waiting for the meds to sink in and then I'll be going back to bed. That's like.. more sleep than I've had all week. heh.

On another note, a really good friend told me somethigng amazingly sweet. Rather, he talked to my away message. Thankyou to that friend. It has been saved in the 'private' niche of this livejournal, and you know it meant alot to me.

I'm quickly coming to realise I have some of the best friends I could possibly ask for. And now I am going to go lay down and pray I don't wake up til I'm better.

[ Shameless self pity. ]

Thu, 06 Jan 2005 01:13:14 GMT

Since six am this morning my flu has steadily gone downhill.

:( everyone give me love please. I feel terrible.

[ It's too late, and I can't wait. . ]

Wed, 05 Jan 2005 20:23:58 GMT

I made an entry yesterday but it didn't belong here. I apoligize to those of you who read it.

Yesterday was pretty damned good. Pretty damned good, indeed.

Ps/ Joined clan 'The Rye'. Thus far nothing but drama. lol. Love it.

[ Resolution x 2. ]

Tue, 04 Jan 2005 21:03:15 GMT

I refuse to let the same thing happen here that happened with Joey and Meg.
So far, so good.

[ Bits and pieces. ]

Mon, 03 Jan 2005 16:59:31 GMT

I was working on this tonight but my brain has exploded, and it's four am. So.. here is part three, work-in-progress, just so I don't lose it. I wouldnt even bother reading through it just yet, if I were any of you.
---

The smell was overpowering - stale cigarrettes, musky cologne, a hint of whiskey.. Connie stared at the pile of clothing, her nose wrinkling in obvious distaste. Mr. Witherspoon was now humming merrily in a shower, hidden behind a curtain at the corner of the room. And she was waiting.

Lilah was spread lethargically on the bed, head propped up on one hand as she watched the girl, a curious smile tugging at the edge of those pouty, painted lips.

"Y'almost done in there, hon?"

Patience was not one of Lilahs strong points.

"A'yup."

The faucet was turned with a squeek and the pink-ish towel disappeared from the overhead rung. It wasn't half a moment before the curtain was pushed to one side and the man, skin speckled with drops of water, stepped out. That same, mean grin was on his lips as he moved over to the lamp Connie hadn't noticed before then and dropped his towel. He knew the drill. Connie stared.

"Looking good Mister Witherspoon, you been working out?"

Pushing herself up from the bed, Lilah seemed to be admiring the mans rather hairy, stout form. Connie, meanwhile, was looking anywhere but -there-, fighting back the same blush that had been plaguing her on and off all night. The 30-something man just chuckled and spread his legs as Lilah kneeled infront of him, flicking the lamp on and grabbing him by the upper thighs to move him better into the light.

"Come and see, Connie."

Time froze for a moment - atleast for Connie - as she stared at the back of Lilahs head.. until abruptly it started again and she found her legs moving of their own accord,

His body was only slightly less detestable than she had imagined. Flanelette shirt peeling away to reveal a somewhat defined chest, though with a good scattering of greying hair. She hadn't dared to glance down when he unbuckled his belt, instead turning her attention to the tacky immitation silk bedcovers.
cheap frumpy, seedy sleazy?

--

On another note, talking with old friends always gets my creative juices flowing. It is for that reason I love old friends, regardless of how often they dip in and out of my life.

[ Are you happy now? ]

Sun, 02 Jan 2005 23:37:40 GMT

Didn't get all my laundry done and James still hasn't come back so I can't do the poster thing yet, but aside from that I got pretty much everything I had on my list done, as well as some extra stuff. This was a brilliant idea of mine, you know.

Could you look me in the eye
And tell me that you're happy now?
Would you tell it to my face
And have I been erased
Are you happy now?